What does it really mean to have healthy relationships in your life? What are your relationships with others trying to tell you about your relationship with yourself?
With the holiday approaching that focuses on celebrating love, it brought up my relationship with love. It has been an intimate process putting my concept of love into words.
REALationship with Self
I once overlooked the concept of self-love, mainly focusing outside myself to "find" love, and not understanding why that quickly faded. The external heat kept burning out because I hadn't created a safe place inside to keep it warm.
As I discover the corners of myself, I continue to learn new ways of understanding, loving and embracing who I am, as I am. As my life continues to evolve, so does my relationship with love. When starting down my newly discovered self-love path, a teacher dropped a piece of helpful knowledge.
"As you begin to fall in love with yourself, you will soon see that reflected in the world around you!"
It starts with you. It starts from inside. As you accept and love what’s inside, it reflects on the outside. As you wake up and smile at yourself, the world smiles back at you. When you lose the love... take that pause, turn back in... she is there waiting to reconnect with you!
Realationships with others.
Do you catch yourself angry or frustrated by a snag in your relationship with another? Or on the flip side feel filled up and intoxicated by a connection?
We cannot survive without making connections with others. There is no escaping it, at some point, you must connect with the outside world. Some relationships are here for a moment, some for a lifetime and others float in and out.
I once wanted to control who came in and out of my life. I internally attacked myself for not being a good enough friend/family/community member. Then I told myself through the act of self-love to lay off and show up as you are. That I too fall into different roles for others; some for a sprint, a marathon and others to the finish line.
How we interact with the world and others comes from our relationship with ourselves. Cues to how you think about yourself will show up in how you view others. With this type of love, I show up how I am and with what I can offer in that moment. If I lose a connection or need to refine it, that’s a clue that it’s time to coming back to self-love once again.
I can only give outwardly if I am creating inwardly.
REALationship with a Lover
This one can be a tricky one. I find this type of Relationship can quickly be diluted with story and expectations. The past few years I have asked myself what it means to have a REALationship with lover, partner, significant other, whatever label suits your fancy.
When we met, we said... let's be friends. Let's figure out what a healthy REALationship looks like to both of us. This type of relationship I am still discovering but here is my current take!
I don’t own you. You are not mine to keep. I cherish the moments I get to share with you. This is a choice. Something I actively decided to show up for.
How do two people come together, co-create an experience that supports one another together but yet as individuals? How do we both walk down this path mindfully? What do we do when the "stuff" from our ex files or triggers from our past show themselves?
When I started down the path way of this newly discovered REALationship, it was amazing, beautiful and really uncomfortable! A friend told me that the "stuff" is coming to the surface that is ready to be healed, that in a REAL-ationship that will happen. The true intimacy starts when you can weather those shit storms together or hold the space to do them separate. In the past the "stuff" was too great for me to handle. I would run and hide. With a healthy dose of self-love present, I have learned that old habit is going out of style.
The understanding of this type of REAL-ationship I am exploring and think I might always be. What I have come to understand is, I cannot have a REAL-ationship like this, without all the others. If at any point things get shaky and I start to feel lost, I know the first place to start is at the beginning. This is a practice and an evolution.